I’m not even sure how to start this post. I wrote out three sentences and deleted them all. I’m not going to reveal anything earth shattering so chill (😆)- but I don’t know how to put into words what God has been trying to change in me. So this isn’t a conventional post- just shooting from the hip here.
There is good and bad happening at the same time. In my brain I categorize everything and I see it as this: Good days = everything is well/ perfect. Anyone else kind of “get” this way of thinking?
everything with my family is cool. ✔️
Matt and I are doing well so marriage is cool. ✔️
Jethro slept through the night- so I’m obviously slaying it at parenting. ✔️
I didn’t screw up at work. Nothing to worry about. ✔️
No rumblings elsewhere so it seems I haven’t let anyone down. ✔️
Check. Check. Check. Good day. Then something goes awry- and even though there are ✔️. ✔️.✔️. Checks -give me one 🚫 in a category and it cancels out the other good things/successes/blessings. It’s like the ink block that splays outward from it’s dark center. Or it’s like the weird heaviness that looms, that you can’t shake from the corner of your mind. Can I just say, I HATE LIVING LIFE LIKE THIS. It’s not manageable. And it’s not real life. It’s unrealistic. The expectations are too crazy and I (you) will always feel let down. Continuing like this culminates to a disappointing life! Who voluntarily signs up for that? But we find ourselves in it.
The past few months I’ve really hit my breaking point and honestly, I just became tired of being a victim to myself. I’m not a weak person. Why do I feel like I’m losing the battle against me? A situation or a person shouldn’t shape the way I feel, negate God’s truth spoken over me, or navigate my day downward. “Duh, Gina, you know this.” Of course I do!
No one loves being transparent in the crappy stuff but I want to share because I know there are others that get caught in this thinking too, whether it’s constantly, or for a short season. There is good and bad happening at the same time- always. I need to get comfortable with that. You need to get comfortable with that. It sounds simple but when you have to live it out each day- it’s really not as easy, BUT we can do it!
Just because one bad thing happened, doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of good around me.
Just because I messed up in one area, doesn’t mean I’m a bad person and messing up in others.
Just because I’m feeling like an awesome human being, doesn’t mean I’m killing the game in all arenas.
Usually, when all things “appear” good, there is an undercurrent happening somewhere in your life that you just don’t see yet. But, it will roar up before you know it, trust me.
These realizations should actually be… FREEING. Because if we can live with this understanding, we’ll be able to flow with the rhythm instead of fighting (failing) against it and realize that joy isn’t conditional on everything going “right.” Joy, peace and goodness should be the fruit of our lives and can be present in the middle of anything. Not to mention, less worry, fear, and anxiety?
There’s a lot going on with COVID happening. You could think- easy for you to say. You haven’t lost your job. Your loved one isn’t sick. You’re not homeschooling your kid. Ok, but 1. my life isn’t perfect. 2. all people deal with stuff, at all different times, at all different levels- and it’s valid. 3. God’s word doesn’t negate or change depending on the circumstances I find myself in. Eventually i’ll be there (you’ll be there) and I’m going to need someone else to remind me of these same things.
Good and bad happening simultaneously- here are some things that can help.
–When you find yourself on the brink of the spiral or even in it. Intentionally stop yourself. You may not want to (you know- pity parties and all) but just do it or you’ll waste the rest of your day. Take authority over your emotions. You have been given the gift of self control for a reason. You can’t control everything outside of you but you can control what is going on within you. I literally have to stop myself and say out loud- “No. This is my choice. I’m going to have a good day.” I literally say it over and over and over until I start to believe it. I don’t care if I look like a moron. This isn’t denying what’s going on. It’s very clear that I see it and feel it. It’s declaring that I choose to see the good within the bad.
-Whenever something unsettling happens, or you get terrible news, or you find something out that is disappointing, or you failed at something you genuinely tried at, or the waters are stirring (take your pick), pause and remember there is good. I grab Jet, walk around the house doing my normal house stuff and I list (again out loud) what I am grateful for. Perspective is a game changer. You got to put yourself in the game though.
-Again, people, things, situations are not YOUR SOURCE. God IS your source. If you find yourself buckling, raise your red flag and at the foundation of your problem, who are you trusting? Identify it/them. Mark it so you know moving forward where your weak spot is. Then pray to God about it. Ask him to help you. Go.to.your.source.
–Be the good for someone else. Because other people go through junk too and it’s not just about us and our world. I recently found myself around a friend who was in a situation where she was misunderstood by another. Her intentions were not to hurt. She helped and encouraged so many people that day. Served through the suckiness. It broke my heart because I’ve been there. Felt the feels. How many of you know, one small speck can blur your vision (people with contacts, you feel me?) Encourage someone else and lift them up. Remind them that even though that one bad thing may have happened- there is still so much good. There is good within them! Use simple words. Try to understand. Just listen.
Nothing crazy. Just a few thoughts. If you need a few scriptures to remind you of who you are and to encourage yourself with, you know where to find me.
It’s a constant development- so keep rolling on! ☺️ Love ya’ll.
P.S. didn’t spell check and all that. HAHA. Told you, from the hip.