It’s a new year and for the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting over the current state of where I am. You know, just taking the pulse on what’s happening within me. The rush of the holidays leaves you upside down-silly and for me, eating my way through the last day of the year via Christmas cookie fogged my brain. 😉
This isn’t the easiest to write because being vulnerable isn’t fun, but as I overcome, my hope is that somewhere, this will encourage someone else.
For all of my life, I never quite felt like I was “enough.” No pity parties here! I’m just saying, it’s a weird wave of doubt that comes by every so often to remind me of something that is not true. A mirage begging to be believed, so to speak. It’s just something I have struggled with. You would think once I overcame one “not enough” moment, that it would just go away after. “Finally, it’s over! Let me check that box off.” But really, I just encounter another level of a “not enough” moment that needs to be rejected.
I’ve been going through this process with God because I don’t want to live bound by a lie that He never put on me. The more I share, the more it sets me free and the more I see others struggle with similar thoughts. Maybe as a wife, husband, mother, father, employee, child, friend, leader, co-worker, boss, student… somewhere, sometime, you have felt this feeling that you just don’t always make the cut. You are simply, average, if that. Sadly, this way of thinking not only effects us but it pushes us to put unrealistic standards on people/situations and seeps into our actions, which can cause others pain.
For me it can be, “I’m not enough”: I’ll work hard and late. If I don’t complete all the reps I didn’t even really work out. I can’t be everywhere and reach everyone. I feel like I’m letting people down. Let me pick up another hobby to accomplish. I overdo it.
There are times, that I believe, the enemy tries to get under your skin, because he would want nothing more than to stall you, keep you from your potential and sell you a counterfeit feeling of reassurance. Next time these thoughts creep in, consider it a red flag.
LIE: You are never enough. Will never be enough. If you want to be, you have to earn it, work for it, sweat for it. Then, all will fall into place for you. Then you will feel safe, good, established, accomplished, complete.
TRUTH: Even in your weakest moments, God says you are enough. It’s not gained by what you do or what hoops you jump through or what expectations you place on your shoulders. You are truly, and always have been, enough.
So I think it’s time. Enough is enough. Enough with the enemy lying to you, telling you that the greatness inside of you is limited. Enough with the lies that shout your whole life will always be this way, an endless escalator of proving. Enough with distancing yourself from God because you feel too inadequate for his presence, grace, love and truth. Enough is freakin’ enough because… You. Are. Enough.
I had one of these moments on Tuesday. I actually journaled “I’m not enough.” I didn’t weep over writing it. I wrote it as a matter of fact, just like you would script your name on a document. It was just a realization of what I was feeling. The truth is, I know God says, “I am enough.” Why is that so hard for us to accept, when it’s one of the rights God has given us as His child? Then I penned, “just help me to walk in that freedom.” Not only for my sake, but so I can be a better Jesus-follower, wife, leader, friend, daughter, mentor and future parent.
I wasn’t expecting anything but long story short, later that day, God spoke to me through something I was asked to do as part of a developing project at work. I teared up. I thought, “wow God, that was quick.” because the truth is, most things are revealed to me over a longer period of time, sometimes even methodically. I was taken back by how quick God was to remind me, so clearly, that… I am enough.
This may sound like hoopla to you, like I may have been desperately looking for it but, I wasn’t. God meets us exactly where we are at. Maybe because it’s so important for us to encapsulate this truth. Maybe because it is so close to his heart. Because that’s how a loving father, loves.
If you feel that is you, my hope is that you would ask God to trample on that lie and allow him to restore to you the security, acceptance, love and truth that he brings. Keep it simple. How will we ever expect a response if we don’t ask? God is with you. He is for you. You are enough.
“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields them all day long…” Deuteronomy 33:12 (NIV)
SCRIPTURES TO REFERENCE:
Ephesians 2:10 / John 16:33 / Romans 8:39 Proverbs 3:5-6 / Romans 12:6-9